If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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