I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
