super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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