I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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