I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The adults are the big ones right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
