You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
