he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
