if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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