i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
