I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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