When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize