girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
