I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
