How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
