From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
