Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you never un-have a 4some
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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