my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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