You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
