So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
