i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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