I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is wine microwaveable?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
