carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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