i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
