im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
