I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize