so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize