I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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