and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize