i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
