well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
