So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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