Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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