It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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