Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
