Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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