I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pooping to opera.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
