ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
