$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
