News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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