I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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