Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is wine microwaveable?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
