"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
