I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you had me at cake vodka
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
