Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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