oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I intend to get homeless drunk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
