After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
