drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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