so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
