I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
