In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
