i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
