I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Michael Bay diarrhea
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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