I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
