the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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