I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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