What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
