Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
