I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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