dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
