Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
