I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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