I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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