The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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