i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
