Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
