jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
