the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize