Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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