i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
