so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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