fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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