Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
